Thriving
Our son, Elijah John, is thriving. Unfortunately, I'm not!
I had no idea the effects that sleep deprivation would have on my life. My creativity level has dropped dramatically. Julie and I try not to be short with each other or with Tabitha. I'm reading less. When I try to pray it ends up being an exercise in keeping my eyes open.
On the other hand . . .
I'm learning a lot about God's love for me. Having chosen to adopt a child at risk I realize the depth of God's love to adopt me--a child at risk.
Praying in the middle of the night for Elijah to grow up and be a man who is deeply in love with God helps me to review the priorities in my own life.
Learning to serve my family when I absolutely do not feel like serving probably has its upside.
Understanding the deep needs of children on the margins of society has awakened my heart to the heart of God.
Ummm, maybe I am thriving?
I had no idea the effects that sleep deprivation would have on my life. My creativity level has dropped dramatically. Julie and I try not to be short with each other or with Tabitha. I'm reading less. When I try to pray it ends up being an exercise in keeping my eyes open.
On the other hand . . .
I'm learning a lot about God's love for me. Having chosen to adopt a child at risk I realize the depth of God's love to adopt me--a child at risk.
Praying in the middle of the night for Elijah to grow up and be a man who is deeply in love with God helps me to review the priorities in my own life.
Learning to serve my family when I absolutely do not feel like serving probably has its upside.
Understanding the deep needs of children on the margins of society has awakened my heart to the heart of God.
Ummm, maybe I am thriving?
posted by Greg Nettle at 9:50 AM
4 Comments:
There is nothing like God coming in and redefining our paradigms completely.
I think you are thriving, in the middle of God's grace and love for your family and for your children.
Hang in there, dont blink because he will be a teenager asking for the car keys... then the sleepless nights REALLY begin!
Oh Boy! This entry reminds me of my first child's infancy - 13 years ago!! She had collic, and screamed - bloody murder screaming - like I never knew babies had lungs that big screaming - 20 hours a day screaming - for the first nine months of her life. I was soooooo tired. My husband worked many hours and we lived an hour from everyone we knew, and I was alone with this screaming baby who I could not bond with - with very little help. I thought I was going to die or go crazy.
Somewhere in this year of fog, a friend invited me to her church. I went - mostly because she told me that they had a nursery where the older ladies in the church would take your babies and rock them while we were allowed to worship. That was a great selling point for me, because I knew I needed strength and I needed a break and help - as terrible as that might sound.
At her church, I experienced the most astounding move of Christ in my life. It was an amazing teaching church where I learned so much. I wonder sometimes if I would have the faith and relationship with God that I have right now if I had not been so desperate for strength, fellowship, and someone to rock my baby for an hour while I fell apart and let God fill me for another week.
Nettles, I am with you in prayer. It is really just so difficult and frustrating. Hang in there - it does not last forever.
This post reminds me so much of when my oldest son was a baby. I remember my husband changing our son's diaper at about 3am. I was watching, waiting to feed him. My husband was lifting up my son's legs to wipe him when he (my son, not my husband) let loose with this massive projectile stool. It went all over my husband and all over the walls about 5 feet away! It was so impressive and horrifying and gross that we just had to laugh. It was either that or cry (a fine line at 3am when you're sleep deprived). Another time my husband was laying on his back with our son asleep on his chest. He whispered, "Look, mommy..." and my son promptly spit up all down his chest and neck. Poor Dad! It was so sad and...well...funny.
But it wasn't always funny. I also remember when our son was 4 months old and had a double ear infection. You couldn't lay him down or even sit and rock him. You had to hold him against you and walk around and bounce him...all...night...long. It was horrible. When he wasn't screaming outright, he would make these pitiful whimpering sounds. I couldn't stand it. I remember praying that God would give me whatever pain he was feeling so that he wouldn't have to suffer..and this was just an ear infection! Of course that got me thinking about Jesus and how God must have felt watching him be beaten, ridiculed, and finally, killed. I thought to myself, "How could you? How could you stand to watch, God? How did you bear it?" And then I realized that that's how God feels about us. He couldn't stand watching us suffering, slaves to sin, and knowing what was going to happen to us so he came down himself in the person of Jesus and took that punishment himself. No matter how many times I hear the story, no matter how much I thought I got it; I didn't get it until I became a parent myself. It's so amazing.
Anyway, I doubt that soldiers get a lot of insights and inspirations when they are in the middle of the battle. They probably aren't taking notes in case they want to write a book someday or entering into philosophical discussions with their comrades in arms about what they think they're learning from the experience. Those things are for after the battle. You guys are very much in the middle of the battle right now. It's a battle you have chosen to fight for children, this one child in particular. You probably won't get a lot of insights right now. You might not even actually enjoy all the aspects of it, but you can rest assured that when you are at the breaking point, there is grace. Sometimes it's the grace to laugh at a messy situation. Sometimes it's the grace to bite your tongue. Sometimes it's the grace to got out of bed and handle the 3am feeding so your spouse can sleep. You don't have to accept it and sometimes, you probably won't, but if you look for it, you will find it, and it's a beautiful thing.
Great post Greg, I used your analogy of "a child at risk" good stuff!!
Post a Comment
<< Home